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Friday night is bath night this is what they say
We are gonna dig the groove, we've waited all day
We wear trendy trousers with belts a mile too long
We are gonna catch the bus into the town
We are boogie on down...
CHORUS:
Dig that groove ba-a-by (repeat)
Dig dig dig dig digga that groove baby.
There they are again covered in Old Spice
They think they will get the girls cause
they smell nice,
They all call me riff raff
'Coz I wear a Crombie
I couldn't stand it being just like them
they all look like puffs not men
CHORUS
See that trendy there she used to be a punk
Now she's off to the disco to listen to junk
Her boyfriend was a skinhead
He used to shout Oi! Oi!
Play that funky music that's what they say now
Come with me and I'll show you how...
CHORUS
Cloughy's lads are full o' gloom, coz Cloughy's in the changin' room
Why can't he nick off & leave them be?
He screams & yells & just because, Cloughy knows that he's
the boss
Cloughy's rough & tough Cloughy's barmy
Cloughy's in a huff & tense, Cloughy's teeth begin to clench
A Cloughy fan asks for his autograph... "Can yer sign this Brian?"
He nuts him first & smacks him next, nobody makes Cloughy vexed
Cloughy is the chief Cloughy's the Gaffa
Cloughy is a football hooligan, now Cloughy's only at his prime
with his fist in yer nose when the referee blows full time
CHORUS:
Brian Brian kicks & slaps & he shouts oi!
Brian Brian Cloughy is a bootboy
The judge tells Cloughy to keep calm, he's up for Grevous Bodily Harm
Cloughy stands and begins to YELL
Cloughy must have a screw loose coz Cloughy says he's gonna cruc..
ify the cops when he gets out the cell
CLOUGHY IS A FOOTBALL HOOLIGAN...(guitar bit)
CLOUGHY IS A FOOTBALL HOOLIGAN...(CHORUS)
He kicks & slaps, he thumps & cracks,
he nuts & smacks and shouts Oi!
I'm always felling lonely
I'm always feeling blue
she was the one and only
she said sheloved me too
but now she's gone and left me
just like they always do
now I'm always full of misery
I don't know what to do
I'm always on a downer
I should be feeling fine
I'm never on a upper
I need a swig o' wine
Now he's always dizzy coz
he's busy with fizzy Lambrusco
I'm getting fat and lazy
I always look a mess
I need a little drinky poos
to bring me happiness
So give him a bottle of that fizzy stuff
a Lambrusco kids a kid with sesne
he's always at the Off Liscence with me...
CHORUS:
Now we've found the answer
to stop you geelin low
a bottle of fizzy wine
they call it Lambrusco
I'm always feeling lousy
but I know that when
I've had a glass o'Lamby
I'll be smiling again
So give him a bottle of that fizzy stuff...CHORUS
That's what they call me, Lambrusco Kid
That's what they call me, I'm the Lambrusco Kid
I'm such a misery guts
I'm dirty and I stink
I've always got a pet lip
I need another drink.
So give him a bottle of that fizzy stuff...CHORUS
I've got asthma and I can not breath
can't breath at all!
I've got an inhaler with me
I am choking and my face is blue
blue and it's getting worse!
I think I will have to lie down... coz
CHORUS:
I've got ASTHMA yeah I've got ASTHMA
yeah I've got ASTHMA...
I've got asthma and I am wheezing
wheezing like mad!
I don't think I will sleep tonight
I think I'll reach for my inhaler
Good idea!
I hope it makes me feel better... coz
CHORUS
My inhaler needs a refill
what shall I do?
the Chemist is not open yet
blue face, can't breath and I'm still wheezing
dear me! dear me!
I just do not know what to do... coz
CHORUS
Give'z the money Peter Practice says to us
give'z the money quickly don't make a fuss
give'z the money....
Pete takes the pop groups he'll even take the trash
but if you practice at Peter's place
you must have plenty cash
give Pete the money the he'll let you have the key
give Pete the money then you can practice free
it's icey cold in Peter's place
but don't switch on the heater
coz you'll end up putting 10 quid in
Pete's electric meter.
Do you want some crisps and pop?
they're all on sale at Pete's tuck shop
we will have to put a stop to Peter
CHORUS:
we all give Peter the money
we've all been nway
we all give Peter the money now
give'z the cash give'z the bread
give'z the money
money's gone to Peter's head.
if you are stuck
Pete will lend you an amplifier
but when it's time to go
he'll say five pound hire
Do you want some crisps and pop?...
CHORUS
All the pop groups are nearly broke
this has gone far beyond the joke
Peter Practice is a rich bloke now
First of all there was Ray
he went with Deidrie yeh Ray
thought that he was the bee's knee
but now he's left her and she's pleased
and just incase you meet
Deidrie down Coronation Street
she's a slag.
CHORUS:
everybody sing... Deidrie's a slag
slag slag slag
Deidrie's a slag
big ugly slag
yeh Deidrie's a slag.
Mike Baldwin came like a flash
he had a Jag U ar and cash
Ken saw them at the flicks that night
neckin on he squeezed her tight
and just in case you meet
Deidrie down Coronation Street
she's a slag...
CHORUS
Ken was next said I love you
why all the o-ther blokes too
Deidrie said what's it got to do with you
it's up to me what I do
and just in case you meet
Deidrie down Coronation Street
she's a slag...
CHORUS
I didn't have a spin dryer so I had to go
he didn't have a spin dryer so he had to go
with his dirty socks and undies o, o, o, o, oh
to the cleaners on the corner, but how was I to know
they'de be more dirty at 3:30 oooooh
CHORUS:
Rub a dub a dub dub we wash and scrub
we wash your laundry,
Rub a dub a dub dub we wash your laundry..
They say my clothes are cleaner
but I'm not a lunatic
they should be shot they have not got
Per-sil Auto-matic
Rub a dub a dub rub a dub a dub dub...
So many things go missing at the Ashbrooke Launderette
so many things go missing at the Ashbrooke Launderette
the clothes that you have left dirty and wet
So if you want some washing done
d, d, d, d, don't forget,
you'll suffer at the Ashbrooke Lauderette...
CHORUS
You'll stink, your clothes shrink
your white'sll be as black as ink
your best red jumper turns to pink
all crumpled up and wet
We've been, have you been
to get your dirty washing clean
Are you clean you couldn't have been
to the Ashbrooke Launderette...
You tell me, I'm not good e
nough for you, what can I do?
shiddle iddle ay shiddle iddle oh,
I got so sick I told a Vic
ar her dad, I must be mad,
shiddle iddle ay shiddle iddle oh...
CHORUS:
He just said don't worry your head
there'll be another girl instead
trust in God the father and the son
get out of her life and Bless you my soon...
You always said you wanted a stead
y boyfriend, now don't pretend
shiddle iddle ay shiddle iddle oh,
I took the path up to the Cath
edral where, he stood there,
shiddle iddle ay shiddle iddle oh...
CHORUS... (guitar bit)...
I ever thought, that I would be court
ing with you, but it's true
shiddle iddle ay shiddle iddle oh,
but it went bad because her dad
he saw me with her you see,
shiddle iddle ay shiddle iddle oh,
CHORUS
God help me what can I do,
my girlfriend's dad is a Vicar boo hoo,
and he won't let me be alone with you,
oh he's a Vicar and there's nothing I can do
God help him what can he do,
His girlfriend's dad is a Vicar boo hoo,
and he won't let him be alone with you,
oh he's a Vicar and there's nothing he can do.
I was getting dressed late one night
along came a spider and I got a fright
oh I could not squash it flat
No matter how I tried,
And when it looked me in the eye
I ran away to hide...
I put on me Doctor Martin shoes
A battle with the spider that I wasn't gonna loose
A kick from the left a kick from the right
I was on the floor but I was alright
It was gonna be a long long night
CHORUS:
Spiders in the dressing room
Spiders everywhere
Spider in the dressing room beware
(repeat twice)
Things were getting hot and I had to take a chance
The spider got impatient
Started crawling up me pants
I shook it off me legthump it hit the ground
Everything was silent so I didn't make a sound
I crossed the room as happy as can be
I had killed the spider now it couldn't bother me
But with me arm on the light
He was there ready for a fight
It was gonna be a long long night.
CHORUS
It was getting late and the spider wasn't dead
An audience had gathered round
And I was going red
I put a jam jar on the floor
the spider crawled inside it
I screwed the lid back on the top
And threw the jar outside
At a party late that night
Everything was bright and gay
We played all our pop records and danced the night away,
Early in the morning came a knocking at the door
I opened it slowly guess what I saw
It was gonna be a long long night...
CHORUS
Every night I know that she goes to Finos,
and every night I know that she see's him
Every night she holds him tight at Finos
and everynight it's alright for him...
CHORUS:
and she goes... La la la la la la la to Finos
yes she goes... la la la la la la la with him,
and she goes... La la la la la la la to Finos
yes she goes... la la la la la la la...
Every night I try to get into Finos
and every night they just won't let me in,
and everynight I watch him meet her at Finos
and every night it's alright for him...
CHORUS
One of these nights I'm gonna get into Finos
and one of this nights I'm gonna make her see me,
and every night I'm gonna get into Finos
and everynight will be alright for me...
CHORUS
Frederick Street was on the news tonight
outside Fosters club had been a fight
and everytime you go to dig the beat
you will hear a yelp and somebody shouting for help...
CHORUS:
Hello, hello, hello, hello, who's down there?
who's down there?
Hello, hello, hello, hello, who's down there?
who's down there?
in the fisticuffs in Frederick Street
I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be, you don't wanna be,
we don't wanna be there..
Fosters club was full up to the brim
everybody risking life and limb
and just to go and pose at the disco
but posing wasn't easy and the D.J.
he got queasy, blow by blow...
CHORUS
Everything's silent on Frederick Street
a lonely policeman walks the beat...
before long everybody'll know
that Fosters club is not the place to go
unless you want your head kicking in
you will hear a yelp and somebody shouting for help...
CHORUS
Harry Cross, Harry Cross he's not a lucky bloke
he's always blue what can he do now Edna's had a stroke
Harry Cross, Harry Cross she's always in his head
Now Edna's kicked the bucket Edna's snuffed it Edna's dead.
9 o'clock the postman knocks but Harry's still in bed
"Go away" Harry'll say I've got an aching head
don't bother meeeeeee
Ralph's his mate but he can't wait to get out of his way
"Go away" Harry'll say I want some peace today
don't bother meeeeeee
Harry's full of misery, Harry's always busily permanently down
Always being rude with
Always in a mood with Raaaaaaaaalph
CHORUS
It's such a task for Ralph to ask to borrow Harry's car
Oh "Here's the keys" now get lost please have you gone yet?
Tara! don't bother meeeeeeeee
Harry's full of misery, Harry's always busily permanently down...
CHORUS
He's always sad n' lonely now Harry's lost his wife
coz Edna was the only Lady in his life
and now he takes it out on Raaaaaalph.
CHORUS
CHORUS:
Victory if Glenda she, had a baby, oooeee,
Things were looking gloomy and Glenda she was sad,
Kevin had been out with Carol Sands,
But Glenda she though surely,
It can't be that bad, if I had a baby,
CHORUS
Glenda went round to the doctors the next day,
You can't have a baby, that's what he said,
Glenda did not give up she's got this book to read,
Of how to have a test tube baby....
CHORUS
Glenda's Dad had just died and she was unhappy,
If only she could have a baby,
So to the disapproval of Kevin and his mam,
She signed up for a baby...
CHORUS
To Bombay a travelling circus came, they brought an
inteligent elephant and Nellie was her name
One dark night she slipped her iron chain
and off she ran to Hindustan
ans was never seen again.. oooooo
Nellie the elephant pack her trunk and said goodbye to the circus
Off she went with a trumpety trump trump trump trump.
New Nellie the elephant packed her trunk and trundled off to the jungle
Off she went with a trumpety trump trump trump trump.
..The head of the herd was calling far far away
They met one night in the silver light on the road to Mandalay...
Night by night she danced to the circus band
When Nelli was leading the big parade she looked so proud and grand
No more tricks for Nellie to perform
They taught her how to take a bow and she took the crowd by storm..
oooooooooooo
Well it's one for the money, two for the show,
Three to get ready now go cat go,
But don't you step on my blue suede shoes,
You can do anything but keep off my blue suede shoes.