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Fat Bob does not wash or scrub
He's never seen a bath tub before
When will Fat Bob use the sink?
We can't face the Fat Bob stink no more!
CHORUS:
A killer pong on a gateshead street
50 drop deady... Bobby Bobby
Quick quick quick it's Fat Bob's feet
There's nowt more deadly.
Fat Bob's not cleaned his socks yet
He's not been to the launderette before
Spray Fat Bob's feet with fungicide
He's wiped out two thirds of tyneside or more
CHORUS...(guitar bit)
Tyne & Wear have got the blues
The end is nigh on the Look North news
Fat Bob's taken off his shooooooes
CHORUS
It only takes one wiff.
We fight fot the Queen & country & we're back here again
Over the hills to the battlefield 10 thousand marching men
We never say surrender butnow we must admit
Shove the rotten regement we're off on a moonlight flit
Ho tally ho! the battle cry oh! we're off down the pub
Ho tally ho! a pint & decent grub.
CHORUS:
Down in the valley we can see
The men marching for victory
We'll skip the blood on the battlefield
Stuuf all the bravery... coz we quit the cavalry.
We're shot injured & wounded, they call us men of war
It's too noisy & dirty & we can't take no more
No bath or battlefield shower & people say we're brave
But now we're gonna do a bunk for a decent wash n' shave
HO TALLY HO!.... CHORUS
Shoot don't shoot This is not the life for me
Shoot don't shoot It's not my cup o' tea.
GUITAR BIT... HO!... CHORUS
The grub was vile, we couldn't crack a smile
We paid twenty smackers just to sail up the Nile
It cos ten quid..
To get stuck inside a pppppyramid.
I'd rather be in Hawaii, cleethorpes or southend
You won't catch us on the Egypt bus again again again.
CHORUS:
The... Sphinx stinks, Sphinx stinks
They do not care on Egypt air
Sphinx stinks, Sphinx stinks
In CAI I I I RO
The Sphinx stinks, Sphinx stinks
You will get ripped off in Egypt oh!
The hotel room filled us with gloom
We should o' spent the night in a mummy's tomb
A camel ride...
Another ten smackers and a numb backside.
I'd rather be...
CHORUS...(guitar bit)
CHORUS
CHORUS:
Rodney remember me, Rodney remember me....
She haunts Rodney's memory
Rodney gave Sheila a slap when she begged him not to drink
"Mind yer own damn bussiness" Rodney snarled, he didn't think
Now everything from then is blurred but Rodney can't forget those words
She cried....
CHORUS
Now Rodney was a slob, he treat Sheila just like muck
"Move yourself" he growled and dragged her to his pick-up truck
He looped the loop in a drunken stuper down the mountain side
When Sheila cried.....
CHORUS...(guitar bit)
OH! Rodney took her in his arms and through the broken glass
He climbed out of the wreckage & he lay her on the grass
He had too many beers, but he couldn't hide the tears
When Sheila cried.....
CHORUS
Was it something that I spilt on my new continental quilt or what?
Could it have been a bad dream that creptin bed & made me scream
or what?
What attracted such a beast, why did it want to make a feast of me?..
CHORUS:
Bug bug a bug a bed bug
A bug a bug a bug a bug bugger than a bumble bee
Bug bug a bug a bed bug
A bug a bug a bug a bug a bug a bug a bug bit me!
In a night of misery.
Was it coz the chocolate sweets I ate last night between the sheets
or what?
What could it be that made me frown, the biscuit crumbs on my night
gown or what?
A nit in neen of nourishment, it got inside the bed & went for
me.
CHORUS... (guitar bit)
Was it coz I was dirty that it took a fancy to me or what?
I jumped up sweating with fright, oh will it take another bite or what?
I felt the fangs rip thru my vest, the mattress monster was digesting
me!
CHORUS
Down down it really is no joke, down town everybody is broke...
CHORUS:
We're the kids in tyne & wear wooo
We're the kids in tyne & wear wooo
Everybody lives in the hope o' some cash!
Bright light & music gets faster, in the disco we can't afford to
have a dance
We could never pay two quid, not a chance
Pig sick, down the Job Center, much later we will be thinking never
mind
you know life is cruel, life is never kind.
Find time to earn an extra bob, find time to do a fiddle job.
CHORUS... NA NA NA....
Looking round the Metro Centre, gotta get a brand new experience feeling
rich
We can't stop, we're skint and we've got the itch.
Sunderland South Shields & Gateshead, not a bleedin' chance to
make bread
anywhere, We don't want to go baby.
Whitley bay across to cumbria, you'll be broke if you come 'ere.
Frankie says that he's got vertigo
He says this everytime he leaves the pub, blotto.
Backaches, bellyaches, earaches & migrains
Frankie's life is misery & full of aches n' pains.
CHORUS:
Frankie's got the blues.. Frankie's neurotic, he's always feeling pig
sick
Frankie's got the blues.. you will have to excuse, Frankie's got the
blues
Frankie sneezes once then goes to bed
"I've got double pneumonia" Frankie said
Frankie lives in the doctors surgery
Everytime he has a shave he waits in casualty
CHORUS...(guitar bit)
"They say I am a hypercondriac", condriac condriac
"But I have got Yellow fever, that's a fact"
A blue bottle landed on Frankie's head, Frankie's head... Frankie's
head
"Right, that's it, I've got Malaria I'll soon be dead".
CHORUS
Kick his head, smash his face & do a bunk with his brief case
Shoplifting for a lark, walk on the grass in the park
In the restaurant loads o' nosh, stuff yer face & leave no dosh
We are skint but we're alright, a different burglary each night
No little blue light, there's not a copper in sight no more..
CHORUS:
You can commit any crime you please
You won't get nicked in sunderland, the coppers are softies
They hide when there's a thief or rogue at large
When they get hit they run & tell the sarge... a bunch o' fairies
Rob a bank, get some bread or be a pickpocket instead
A torch a swag bag with a crow bar, gettaway in a stolen car
Break in to the town hall, spray graffiti on the wall
If you're drunk and disorderly, then Sunderland's the place to be
You won't get me, down werside constabulary
CHORUS...(guitar bit)
Run Buck naked in the street, there ain't a bobby on the beat
Raid the local jewellery store, no one to stop you break the law
The bobby's get sore, but there's no constables round here no more
CHORUS
Yellow burt, the softest copper round 'ere
Yellow burt, a coward, a whimp, that's clear
Are your p.c. friends on the beat again
That is very sad, makes me feel so bad
Knock his helmet off, kick n' slap the puff
He's a yellow belly
Burt's a bleedin' softy...
REPEAT!
Just like we had ffffeared, the mates we had have all dissapeared
Nicky, Flip, Paul, Fat Bob and Ted, they all done a bunk & all
got wed
Out with the lads for a laugh and a beer, those days are no longer
'ere
With a lump in yer throat & a shiver down yer spine
They're the memories of 1979
CHORUS:
Wooooooooooo that's where we wanna be
1979
Wooooooooooo that's where we wanna be
back in '79
Flip a punk sssuddenly aged, he sold his leather jacket just to get
engaged
Bobby was a skinhead, but Bobby's hair grew, all for a bird who made
him bbblue
We never thought we'de see the day, Teddy with a Mrs in the family
way
Oh what went wrong? things were just fine,
So take me back to 1979
CHORUS...(guitar bit)
Freddie was a free bloke fffull o' life, now Freddie is a bag o' misery
with a wife
Everynight George hit the town, by 8'o clock now he's in his dressing
gown
They ain't the lads we knew before, you don't see them down the pub
no more
They're discontented mates o' mine who wanna be back in 1979.
He was a rich man, he was a sod
Income tax thief known as Ken Dodd
Lock him up dump Doddy in the nick
A greedy pig with a tickling stick
Not content in the super tax bracket
1/2 a mill in the pocket of his jacket
He climbed up stairs to hide away the bread
1/2 a million smackers under Ken's bed.
OO OO OO He dodged the Inland Revenue
A Liverpudlian with loads o' loot
He didn't declare it, he didn't give a hoot!
CHORUS:
Ken Ken, Who's he again?
A dissapointment to the diddymen
Ken Ken, Had the upper hand
Now he'll never expand on his 500 grand
Ken Ken, had a load o' cash
Till the cops copt Ken in notty hash.
The cops crept in to where Ken slept
They knew where Ken's cash was kept
Doddy then had to confess
The dosh was under his mattress
OOO... CHORUS...(guitar bit)
I've got a little brother his christian name is Sid,
Ever since he saw the turtles he's flipped his lid.
He's always scoffing pizzas just like Leonardo,
Donatello Raphael and Michaelangelo
Turtles, Turtles...
He loves the Teenage Turtles he's collecting all their stuff,
T-shirts, books and badges he can never get enough.
Spending every penny on all that he can find
If it has a turtle on, he's going out of his mind....
CHORUS:
Turtle crazy, he's turtle mad,
The turtles they have taken away the little bit sense he had,
In a turtle outfit you really have to laugh,
He wears it every night and day and even in the bath.
He's acting like a madman, he's acting like a clown,
The Teenage Mutant Turtles are coming to our town.
He bought a plastic Turtle to keep up with the trend,
He dropped it down the toilet now he's going round the bend....
Tutles on his dressing gown and on the bedroom wall,
Turtles on his vest and his underpants and all....
CHORUS
Turtle crazy, he's Turtle mad,
The turtles they have taken away the little bit sense he had.
In a turtle outfit you really have to laugh,
He wears it every night and day and even in the bath....