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You got me outa my head
coz I'm not h, h, h, hunky
you're driving me insane
coz I'm not f, f, funky
well it's a bare faced cheek
calling me a skinny freak
it's a bare faced cheek
you say I'm a skinny punk
and you call me a cheeky monkey.
Oh sittin in the Taxi rank in Park Lane
in comes a trendy geazer with no brain,
and staring at a punk who was a good mate,
I said lets make a move but it was too late
CHORUS:
Up goes a shout, a rumble in the crowd
a fight breaks out, someone starts clouting me,
call in the Army oooh
call in the Army
call in the Army oooh
call in the Army...
The Park Lane punch up escalates
somebody's teeth have gone
it's too much for the coppers
there's a RIOT going on, so
call in the Army, call in the Army...
Park Lane quickly turns into a bloothbath
a disco boy lies unconcious on the red path,
Coppers helmets knocked off in the gutter
all because of a trendy towny nutter
CHORUS
Bored at a party Saturday night looking at Tupperware,
in came a chick who made me quickly glad I was th there,
how could I get the courage to ask her for a date?
Twas such a task for me to ask by then it was too late
CHORUS:
Howza bouta... Howza Bouta, oooo she drives me crazy
howza bouta, howza bouta kiss baby!
Why am I such a whimp I thought a soft and skinny puff
For me to ask a kiss from her was difficult & tough
Right that's it I decided to confront the lass,
I started shakin at the knees & tried to make a pass
CHORUS
I lose my bottle everytime I see a girl I like
I start talkin jibberish & she says "on yer bike"
there must be something I can do a kiss would make my day
but everytime my gob opens I don't know what to say
CHORUS
I didn't have a spin dryer so I had to go
he didn't have a spin dryer so he had to go
with his dirty socks and undies o, o, o, o, oh
to the cleaners on the corner, but how was I to know
they'de be more dirty at 3:30 oooooh
CHORUS:
Rub a dub a dub dub we wash and scrub
we wash your laundry,
Rub a dub a dub dub we wash your laundry..
They say my clothes are cleaner
but I'm not a lunatic
they should be shot they have not got
Per-sil Auto-matic
Rub a dub a dub rub a dub a dub dub...
So many things go missing at the Ashbrooke Launderette
so many things go missing at the Ashbrooke Launderette
the clothes that you have left dirty and wet
So if you want some washing done
d, d, d, d, don't forget,
you'll suffer at the Ashbrooke Lauderette...
CHORUS
You'll stink, your clothes shrink
your white'sll be as black as ink
your best red jumper turns to pink
all crumpled up and wet
We've been, have you been
to get your dirty washing clean
Are you clean you couldn't have been
to the Ashbrooke Launderette...
God help me what can I do,
my girlfriend's dad is a Vicar boo hoo,
and he won't let me be alone with you,
oh he's a Vicar and there's nothing I can do
God help him what can he do,
His girlfriend's dad is a Vicar boo hoo,
and he won't let him be alone with you,
oh he's a Vicar and there's nothing he can do.
There's a fella from a film
reminds me of Duncan Goodewe
but he's not a proper skinhead
cause he hasn't got a tattoo
He's not as wise as he seems
coz he's just an actor
he's a dunce, I've never seen
him on the Krypton Factor
We all rinse in Silvercrin
to keep our head clean
but we know that Yul's not
a common human being
coz he uses Mr Sheen...
CHORUS:
Yul Brynner, Yul Brynner,
they say he's a skinhead
but we know that it's a lie
Yul Brynner, Yul Brynner
he is just a baldy geezer
from the King & I,
Yul BBBBB Brynner
Yul Brynner was a skinhead
they said on the News,
but I've never seen Yul Brynner
wearing Doctor Martens shoes
His only claim to fame was that
he had a shiney nut
But I would look just the same
if I had my hair cut
We all rinse in Silvercrin...
CHORUS
Friday night is bath night this is what they say
We are gonna dig the groove, we've waited all day
We wear trendy trousers with belts a mile too long
We are gonna catch the bus into the town
We are boogie on down...
CHORUS:
Dig that groove ba-a-by (repeat)
Dig dig dig dig digga that groove baby.
There they are again covered in Old Spice
They think they will get the girls cause
they smell nice,
They all call me riff raff
'Coz I wear a Crombie
I couldn't stand it being just like them
they all look like puffs not men
CHORUS
See that trendy there she used to be a punk
Now she's off to the disco to listen to junk
Her boyfriend was a skinhead
He used to shout Oi! Oi!
Play that funky music that's what they say now
Come with me and I'll show you how...
CHORUS
There's a bloke from Hereford Road
who really makes me groan,
everyday he's at the door
or on the telephone
Why can't he just go away
and leave me here alone
In the pictures in the pub
no one can ever know
just how much a pest he is
he's everywhere I go
CHORUS:
It's not fair he's always there
everywhere I go Neal's there,
how do you deal with dddd deal with
it's not fair Neal's everywhere I go
It's not fair he's always there
everywhere I go Neal's there
how do you deal with ddd deal with Neal.
Everyday I cannot eat my grub
or drink or sleep
everyday Neal pulls up in his car
and goes beep beep
What am I supposed to do
about this bloomin creep
everyday I look outside
to see if Neal's about
everyday he's there without a doubt
CHORUS
It doesn't matter where I go
Neal will be there I know
Neal is not a man
he's mice I know
Hey! hey! hey! hey!
There's a motor store at the top of Hylton Road
you go there for for little bits n pieces for your car
and in the office there sits a secretary she's got
Long blonde hair,
Mr Tommy Kowey fancies her...
CHORUS:
I saw her in Tommy Kowey's car
I saw her in Tommy Kowey's car
in Tommy Kowey's car.
At the motor store he was there last Tuesday night
with her I saw, they were kissin at the factory door
but she still tells me, there is nothing going on
with us you see it was Tommy Kowey's wife you saw...
CHORUS
At the motor store Mr Tommy Koweys gotta
Jag-U-Ar she's never been in it she says before
but now she tells lies, she was havin dinner out
the other night and she went in Tommy Kowey's car...
CHORUS
Harry Cross, Harry Cross he's not a lucky bloke
he's always blue what can he do now Edna's had a stroke
Harry Cross, Harry Cross she's always in his head
Now Edna's kicked the bucket Edna's snuffed it Edna's dead.
9 o'clock the postman knocks but Harry's still in bed
"Go away" Harry'll say I've got an aching head
don't bother meeeeeee
Ralph's his mate but he can't wait to get out of his way
"Go away" Harry'll say I want some peace today
don't bother meeeeeee
Harry's full of misery, Harry's always busily permanently down
Always being rude with
Always in a mood with Raaaaaaaaalph
CHORUS
It's such a task for Ralph to ask to borrow Harry's car
Oh "Here's the keys" now get lost please have you gone yet?
Tara! don't bother meeeeeeeee
Harry's full of misery, Harry's always busily permanently down...
CHORUS
He's always sad n' lonely now Harry's lost his wife
coz Edna was the only Lady in his life
and now he takes it out on Raaaaaalph.
CHORUS
We all believed that Neville
was a f f f fine lad
but when we go to know him better
Neville drove us mad.
Neville is a bighead
Neville is a pain
Neville is a pratt without a brain
CHORUS:
What a wally, what a burk
he sticks out like a sore thumb
he's a wally, he's a jerk
nobody can be as dumb
Neville's a hopeless case
he can never pull a bird
Neville's thick and he's got a pig face
Neville is a nutter, Neville is nerd
oh Neville is a nutter, Neville is....
Neville is a nerd.
Neville gets on your wick
Neville is a moron
Neville makes you sick
oh Neville is a Neville is a nerd
Oh Neville's wearing Aramus
and a little touch of Brut,
he thinks he will pick up a chick
in his white trendy suit,
sunglasses in the disco
Nev can't see too clear
he's such a burk, he trips and
spills his beer
CHORUS
Neville's nice to all the girls
but it's just a bluff
Neville thinks he's Jack the lad
but he's just a trendy puff.
He says he's been to Tenerife
and he knows Simon le Bon,
but it's a codswallop
coz Neville is a con
CHORUS
CHORUS:
Victory if Glenda she, had a baby, oooeee,
Things were looking gloomy and Glenda she was sad,
Kevin had been out with Carol Sands,
But Glenda she though surely,
It can't be that bad, if I had a baby,
CHORUS
Glenda went round to the doctors the next day,
You can't have a baby, that's what he said,
Glenda did not give up she's got this book to read,
Of how to have a test tube baby....
CHORUS
Glenda's Dad had just died and she was unhappy,
If only she could have a baby,
So to the disapproval of Kevin and his mam,
She signed up for a baby...
CHORUS
Frederick Street was on the news tonight
outside Fosters club had been a fight
and everytime you go to dig the beat
you will hear a yelp and somebody shouting for help...
CHORUS:
Hello, hello, hello, hello, who's down there?
who's down there?
Hello, hello, hello, hello, who's down there?
who's down there?
in the fisticuffs in Frederick Street
I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be, you don't wanna be,
we don't wanna be there..
Fosters club was full up to the brim
everybody risking life and limb
and just to go and pose at the disco
but posing wasn't easy and the D.J.
he got queasy, blow by blow...
CHORUS
Everything's silent on Frederick Street
a lonely policeman walks the beat...
before long everybody'll know
that Fosters club is not the place to go
unless you want your head kicking in
you will hear a yelp and somebody shouting for help...
CHORUS